the bastards sighs inside you
by callmesandy
Summary: Post Avengers (2012), people are worried about Tony.


Notes: no profit garnered, not mine. For the gwyo setting seen below. Title and opening quote from Stephanie Goehring's ["you heard the story']. Post Avengers. For the GWYO settings bingo, setting below. Thank you to A!

* * *

 _the key is to buddy up_  
 _with the bastard sighs inside you_

 _howl up some paradise where_  
 _a black hole bellows into a canyon_

 _weaving all wronglike_  
 _toward the water_

Tony stopped sleeping for a week until Rhodey took him to Malibu. Tony kept saying he'd had little naps, Jarvis could back him up, but Rhodey wasn't interested. Also, Jarvis refused to back him up which was bullshit.

"I had things to do," Tony said. "I am going to fly back there tomorrow."

"You need to be out of New York City," Rhodey said. "Pepper agrees with me."

Tony rolled his eyes but he stayed anyway.

He wished, briefly, to go back to his twenties or so where he could just take a ton of drugs, have sex with random people and not have any of it matter. The good old days.

"Not actually the good old days," Bruce said. They were talking over what Cap would call a phone with big screen. Tony could literally picture Cap's aw shucks voice saying it. He was warming up to the guy, but it was still a little wearing how many people Tony loved who loved Steve Rogers more.

"I know," Tony said. "But they were fun at the time."

"I've seen the videos," Bruce said. "I tried not to."

"My greatest sin was ubiquity," Tony said.

Bruce said, "Wouldn't that be nice?"

Rhodey's make Tony sleep plan by confining him to the house in Malibu meant Tony couldn't go to Phil's funeral. Pepper went and called him crying, in a dignified way. Tony also cried, stuck on his porch with the magnificent view. He wasn't dignified. He wore his dad's robe and remembered Fury and his stupid box of memories.

He fell asleep on the porch.

Pepper woke him up. "So you are sleeping," she said.

"See?" He blinked. "I'm good."

"I just wanted to say, because I have been feeling guilty, that I will never again put my phone on silent," Pepper said. "I've been feeling bad for weeks."

"Exactly three weeks," Tony said.

"I would have said I love you," Pepper said.

"Well, what else do you say in that case? You'd have to be a pretty awful person to not say you love me at that point," Tony said. He took her hand and pulled her onto his lap. She was wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt, and he felt special she dressed like that with him. Now that she was a big time CEO, she never dressed that way anymore where anyone could see her. She sighed into his robe.

"I would have meant it. I do mean it."

"I believe you," Tony said.

"I think I'm going to move in," Pepper said.

"Didn't you already do that? Last year. You moved in," he said.

"I see how you might assume that, but no, I do not live here," she said. "But I will now, I think."

"I hope I have the closet space," Tony said.

"We'll make it happen," Pepper said.

"I'm not giving up my sneaker room," Tony said.

"That's sad," Pepper said. "We'll just move things around a little so there's room for my heels."

Rhodey came to visit, finally. "I can't believe you actually didn't leave," he said.

Tony said, "I pictured you flying around Malibu ready to shoot me down."

"I wasn't," Rhodey said. "I feel very good about having that kind of power over you, I just threaten and you believe me. Upgrade my suit or I'll punch you."

"I was already planning to upgrade your suit, I have a lot of plans," Tony said. He tapped his forehead. "I'm going to tinker, upgrade a lot of things."

"You need sleep, Tony. You look bad, like dying of palladium bad," Rhodey said. "Maybe along with sleep, you should talk to someone."

"That's a novel concept, I think -" Tony turned in his chair. "You are the first person to ever suggest that I might need therapy."

"It's the first time I ever said it, does that count?"

"I'm good," Tony said. "Pepper moved in, and we've worked out the issues about closet space and our shoe rooms."

"Well, if that's settled," Rhodey said.

Pepper went back to New York. Bruce came to Malibu. "This is nice," Bruce said. "Did you really used to have an entire room for your sneakers?"

"Now they're lining the walls," Tony said. "Pepper needed the space."

"Right, right," Bruce said. Then they started playing in the lab and it was somehow pure play when it was Bruce. They connected.

He slept at least 5 hours a night. He never remembered his dreams or woke up from a nightmare. He was good. He had no idea why anyone was worried about him. Pepper laughed when he said that. "You're the model of mental health."

"Fine, I know, but hey, I think we can start being bicoastal again, if everyone approves," Tony said.

He flew with Pepper and Bruce on his second favorite personal jet. "My favorite," he told Bruce, "is being renovated. I had this idea -"

"You don't want to know," Pepper said. "Trust me."

Parts of Manhattan were the same as ever. Tony imagined people back at work in ordinary offices. He said to Pepper, "I have no idea what people do all day. What are they doing in all these buildings?"

"You're pointing at a hotel," Pepper said. She kissed his cheek and hugged him. They were back at what had been Stark Tower and was now a place for the Avengers.

"Are you babying me?" He held her tight anyway.

"I am a little," Pepper said. "Because I love you and you almost died."

"I have almost died a lot, this time I actually did die. But now I am fine," he said. "Let's have sex and I'll prove it."

"I don't believe you," Pepper said. "Maybe it's my guilt, maybe it's because I know you."

"What do you want me to do?" He still hadn't let go of her. He was looking over her shoulder out the window. He died. He almost died. His father had tried to love him. Obadiah tried to kill him, tried to have him killed. He was tortured. He was thinking of all of this because he had a nice view of Manhattan. Rhodey was right, he should have stayed in California. Maybe forever.

"Nick told me he knows a guy."

"You call him Nick?" Tony pulled away. "Since when do you call him Nick?"

"We talked after the funeral," Pepper said, not smiling. "I am so tired of everyone acting like you should just power through all of this on the strength of, I don't know, your penis?"

"You like my penis," Tony said.

She just looked at him. "I want you to talk to Nick's guy. He gets it. He's married to, he was married to a SHIELD agent."

"You are irritatingly persistent," Tony said.

"You love my persistence," Pepper said. "I set up an appointment for you tomorrow."

Tony smiled. "Of course you did."


End file.
